“My experience being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, first of all, was to come to terms with myself. I think that is a tough aspect out of everything because you’re brought in a manner in which you believe you’re deviant to society. It’s human nature to first accept yourself, and what you are feeling, how you are feeling about things, only then can you think about the others around you. It’s not just about others accepting you but also understanding you, and those who don’t understand you shouldn’t be a part of your lives. I have faced a lot of bullying, a lot of emotional and verbal abuse apart from physical abuse. Having dysphoria has made it hard for me in general, considering my social environment and my familial environment too. It feels difficult when you feel betrayed by your own body, your skin and you don’t know what to do about it Especially when people don’t know much about it, they are not too sensitive towards you either, or that they are not aware of it-well versed or sensitized either. It’s hurtful to be a part of a society like that. To constantly face bullying, in the sense people making fun of you, talking about you, discussing and judging you and your life. It feels like you are constantly under the radar.
Try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to empathize with the other person. I am not any different just because I am part of the LGBTQ+ community, I do everything the same way. I just don’t identify myself with societal norms. That’s how change comes. Everyone should be accepted how they want to be accepted. Dating and having friends who support you, understand you and be there for you is very hard. I am lucky to found such a set of friends, however, when it comes to dating it’s different. I have had instances where people want to be with me, but don’t want others to know about it. They are scared of being judged or people questioning their sexuality, sexual orientation, or gender identity. It is hurtful because it feels like I am constantly being rejected by people for various reasons.
At home especially, telling your parents, coming to terms with it, having them being okay with it. When support comes from the home, it is a different feeling. Initially, it was tough but now it is better, as they have become much more understanding of the situation. I did not face bullying at my university, however, in school, I did face a lot of bullying- physical and verbal. At my university, I sometimes do see people looking at me, judging and laughing at me. Even though there is much more awareness and sensitization than other universities, there is still a long way to go. I feel that there is not a lot that the faculty is doing for improving the situation.
The lockdown did improve my situation because I did not have to face a lot of people. I also came out with a post talking about my situation and dysphoria. I feel like it is easier to deal with things when you are not around a lot of people because they don’t get to judge you, misgender you, dead-name you, or mispronounce your pronouns. I am a very conscious person in general and dysphoria adds to that, so it becomes worse at times. I also got a chance to work on myself in therapy.” – Ayan Krishan Verma